by , 2:30 PM EST, February 11th, 2002
We always wondered what made Windows such a skanky thing to use. Old documents uncovered recently by the Mac Observer's crack team of archaeologists might just reveal the answer...
"Recently one of my friends, a computer wizard, payed me a visit. As we were talking I mentioned having recently installed Windows 98 on my PC and that I am very happy with this operating system. I also showed him the Windows 98 CD, to my surprise he threw it into my micro-wave oven and turned on the oven. Instantly I got very upset, because the CD had become precious to me, but he said: 'Do not worry, it is unharmed.' "Ut-oh. Sound familiar?
"After a few minutes he took the CD out, gave it to me and said: 'Take a close look at it.' To my surprise the CD was quite cold to hold and it seemed to be heavier than before. At first I could not see anything, but then on the inner edge of the central hole I saw an inscription; an inscription finer than anything I have ever seen before. The inscription shone piercingly bright, and yet remote, as if out of a great depth:Consider yourselves warned: this document is proof positive that this is the OS of the Dark Lord. Now, if we knew how to despatch wraiths on horseback to chase down Steve Ballmer, we'd be doing the world a favour...4F6E65204F5320746F2072756C65207468656D20616C6C2C204F6E65204F5320746 F2066696E64207468656D2CDA4F6E65204F5320746F206272696E67207468656D20 616C6C20616E6420696E20746865206461726B6E6573732062696E64207468656D"'I cannot understand the fiery letters,' I said.
"'No,' he said 'but I can. The letters are Hex, of an ancient mode, but the language is that of Microsoft, which I shall not utter here. But in common English this is what it says:One OS to rule them all, One OS to find them,
One OS to bring them all and in the darkness bind them."
(NB: If you still don't get it, this is a parody of The Lord of the Rings. Jeez, you people without culture...)