A promotional film produced by Apple in 1984 featuring, among other thing, Steve Jobs as Franklin Delano Roosevelt has been posted by NetworkWorld. Bits and pieces of the video have surfaced before, but this is the first time we know that the full video has been posted to the Internet.
The Colonel, Being Driven in the Apple Staff Car
The video was made for a meeting of Apple’s international sales force to get them pumped up. It plays on Apple’s 1984 commercial, saying that 1984 will be like…wait for it…1944. Hey, it was the 1980s. We all did things we’re embarrassed about today.
Favorite Sections:
Colonel: “One more thing. Let us never forget about the glorious victories of the past. World War I, World War II, II+, IIe, and IIc.”
Quizzical Soldier to Grizzled Veteran: “What about [Apple] III?”
Grizzled Veteran: “We don’t talk about III.”
Another long scene has a great punch line through the lens of 27 years of history:
Aide de Camp: “Sir, the General is here.”
Colonel: “Oh, sure, and Mac has software
Another Aide: “Sir, he really is here.”
Colonel: Oh…General! General! it’s so good of you to join us.
General: “Isn’t it.”
Colonel: “Shall we…shall we begin?”
Colonel: “512s?”
Other Officer: “Ready, sir!”
Colonel: “LightWriters?”
Other Officer: “Check!”
Colonel: “Apple BUS?”
Other Officer: “Roger!”
Colonel: “Manufacturing?”
Other Officer: “Yes, sir!”
Colonel: “Distribution?”
Other Officer: “Ready to roll!”
Colonel: “Marketing?”
Other Officer: “On target, sir!”
Colonel: “Sales?”
Other Officer: [stammers] “Goldbricking in Hawaii, sir.”
General: “Well, get them back! Now!”
Colonel: [tremulous] “Software?”
Other Officer: “Applications in quantity, sir!”
Colonel: “Are you sure?”
Other Officer: “Yes sir! General Kapor said we’d have it, 1-2-3! And General Gates gave me his word!”
The next scene is Steve Jobs’s brief appearance as FDR, where he encourages to achieve victory, despite the long, hard fight it will take.
Steve Jobs (doing a rough FDR impression): “General, you and your fighting force have a rendezvous with destiny! Your battle will be long. It will be hard. But it will be won. I’m sure your victory will be great. Insanely great.”
Steve Jobs as FDR
Then there’s the blast from the then-present, Anya Major, reprising her roll as the hammer tossing/hammer smashing heroin from Apple’s 1984 commercial.
Defeat Big Brother By Using Your Sledgehammer to Open a Crate of Mac Software!
NetworkWorld very cleverly hasn’t allowed other sites to embed the video, so if you want to watch it you’ll need to head over to the magazine. We recommend doing so.