Sorry, Apple Didn’t Patent a Vape Pen

We have the iPhone, the iPad, and the iPod, and based on a recently published patent, some are saying the iVape is coming next. Apple’s patent describes something that sounds a lot like the vaping pens you use when you’re sitting on the couch getting baked while watching Scooby-Doo, except that using this design would probably kill you.

Reports of Apple’s vape device patent first surfaced on Digital Trends with the suggesting that the company may be looking into the consumer vaping industry. Other news outlets followed suit, but the conclusion they jumped to is little more than smoke…or vapor.

Consumer vaping systems work by heating cannabis or nicotine oil to atomize it into a smoke, or vapor, users inhale. Vape pens look a lot like a Sonic Screwdriver (you’re welcome, Doctor Who fans) that you suck on. The system uses heat, the oil, and air to deliver its smokable payload.

Apple’s patent, in contrast, that sounds like it’s better suited for vaporizing and layering metals or other compounds. A big hint into Apple’s potential uses for its patent are the gases the system could use: argon, helium, or nitrogen instead of air.

Those are inert gasses, and Apple’s patent specifically states it’s using gasses that won’t react with the substance being vaporized. Picture vaporizing a metal and depositing it in thin layers on a device’s frame or shell, and we’re probably getting close to how Apple intends to use this technology.

Breathing in vaporized metal is really bad and a sure-fire way for Apple to permanently lose customers. Killing your customers—at least in the personal electronics industry—is bad for business.

The bottom line is that Apple isn’t going to start making vape pens. We’re just going to have to look somewhere else for a new market for Apple to disrupt.