This week (12/11/09), however, Pocket Girlfriend appeared as #4 on the top ten paid apps list at the App Store. Now, that got me really curious. What could possibly be so great about an app that purports to be a virtual girlfriend. Apple’s app reviewers would not let an app through that displayed anything racier than a wet t-shirt, I knew, so anything that might remotely be of interest to my more baser instincts would definitely not be in the app. Or would it?
So, I bought it.
If you’re thinking about doing the same, don’t.
Pocket Girlfriend depicts a lightly clad young woman, a slow motion movie actually, who stands before you writhing, exposing her belly, and looking more bored than sexy. After about a minute the movie reverses and you can then watch her writhe again as if the movie was being rewound on a tape player. Oh joy! It’s a peep show with nothing interesting to peep at.
Touch her and she says male ego boosting and completely inane phrases like, “Ooooh! You have strong hands,” or, “ That tickles!”. She greets you when you open the app, or do pretty much anything else. Shake your phone and she asks if you’re dancing or having a fight.
The interface allows you to zoom in to her upper (including head), mid ( I guess to accommodate breast-men) , and lower body. Nothing more is revealed, so don’t get excited. You just get to see the writhing in that particular area a bit closer is all.
There’s not much more to the application. You can have her say things you like to hear from a favorites list. You can type in a question and her replies are as vapid and as meaningless as responses from a fart app. That’s about it.
I could go on about how apps like this promotes a narrow minded and stereotypical view of women and how some men, lacking self esteem I suppose, want to be treated by them. I could talk about how Pocket Girlfirend like apps promote desocialization, driving a wedge between people when we should be trying to get closer. I could talk about these and other things, but why bother? It’s just a silly app with no redeeming value whatsoever.
Bottom line: If Apple wants to clean house it should start with Pocket Girlfriend. It is money and time wasted, not to mention that it is an affront (albeit a mild one) to women. It costs a dollar, but I don’t think it’s worth a dime. Seriously.
If you want a virtual girlfriend get a Playboy magazine. Move along. There’s nothing to see here.
Pocket Girlfriend didn’t crash and I suppose that in some social circles, and after a few beers, this app may prove to be funny or at least distracting for a few minutes. For those reasons only I’m giving it my So-So* rating.
| Review Item | Pocket Girlfriend |
| Manufacturer | Atrium Design |
| List Price Street Price |
US$0.99 |
| Minimum Requirements |
iPod Touch, or iPhone |
* Note: My rating system goes like this;
- Get it Now! – Highest rating and an absolute must-have
- Highly recommend – Minor flaws, but a great product
- Recommend – Flawed, but still a solid product
- So-so – Problem product that may find a niche market
- Avoid – Why did they bother making it? A money waster.